Uni-boob.?!

STOP right here if you are at all easily offended or basically a man who doesn't like to hear about bras.

As if shopping for clothes in general is not nerve wracking enough...we have to shop for bras as well. Now I don't know about every woman out there but if you are so lucky that you can just run down to the store, pick up any bra in your size and dash through the checkout lane, then count your blessings.

Let me just say...breasts are not all that they are cracked up to be! Aside from the back aches, you have to deal with the "how many hooks do you need" and the "shirts that fit everywhere but gap in the front".

I am so sick of spending countless HOURS, not minutes, HOURS trying on 13,492 bras only to find that none of them fit. You go shopping and this is what you find.

You have the spiller. The bra that you put on and suddenly you have so much breast that they are spilling out of the top.

You have the escapee. The bra that seems to fit but when you lift up your arms, your breasts are trying to escape out the bottom of the bra.

You have the granny. The bra that actually fits but covers you from your neck to your navel.

You have the Marylinn Monroe. The bra with the cup that is so pointed that you could cut glass.

You have the coconut. The bra that looks like someone cut a coconut in half and taped it to your chest.

You have the pillow. The bra that has so much padding that you have to go up 2 sizes just to fit all you have into the bra.

You have the tissue. The bra that is so thin you would get more support out of a used tissue.

Then my personal favorite...

You have the Uni-boob. The bra where you start out with two breasts and when you put on the bra, you only have one.

The truth of the matter is, in the seventies when the women burned their bras, it wasn't because they were protesting and fighting for feminine rights. I'm convinced they just wanted a bra that fit.

I'm considering moving to Africa.