What does it take for you to realize what is going on in your head? For me it took one phrase from Brett. "These are good tears." I have been so extremely emotional lately and I just couldn't place my finger on why. Well, I finally got it. It's Kelly's situation. I know it sounds silly but I mourn for her. I feel her loss. I feel her pain. I want to hug her and tell her that it was just a dream. But I can't. Because it is real. All too real. Amazingly real.

The hurt, the pain, the loss, the emotional roller coaster, the unsurity, the fear, the unknown, the uncontrolable, the inconsolable. I know all of this!

It's not that I have any feelings for Rick. I haven't for a long time. But it just dredges up such ugly memories for me. And I am just SO unbelievably sad for Kelly that she has to go through this. I love her so much and I would take all of the pain over again if I could take it from her.

Even more so, I feel for those kids. No, those babies. See, in my eyes, Savannah is still a little girl. She is not getting ready to turn 12. Absolutely not! All of her kids are little babies. So, all of those little babies have to go through this too. I wish to the high heavens that they were still little babies. I know it would be much easier if they were. It is so easy to tell a baby or toddler "because". You can't tell a 12 year old and a 7 year old "because". They have to hear the truth. Or at least a portion of it. I hate that. A hate that comes from deep within.

So, now I know where all of this emotion is coming from. Now I just have to figure out how to deal with all of this within myself. I too, have been going to that house for YEARS. I don't know how to feel. I am not sure how to deal. All I know is that MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN THIS!

MY GOD CAN HANDLE THIS. my God can handle this. my God can handle this. my God can handle this.

Proverbs 31:10-31 A virtuous woman

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.

Got me to thinking...what is my price? Am I far above rubies? I would like to be. I know that I don't always do what I should, but how far off am I? I was reading my Bible this morning while Micah slept, and that is the passage that I read. Proverbs 31:10-31. I really like that passage.

There are many times when I want to grumble and groan for all of the things that I have to do. I never have any time to myself, I am always doing for other people. Even during the night (thanks Micah) I have really let my "position" slip since Micah was born. I have really been wanting to get back on track for a little while now, but Satan has been two steps ahead of me blocking my path. Well, I decided that it is time to plow him down and just get my poop in a group. It is time for things to change in my household, but FIRST they have to change in me.

My attitude stinks sometimes, ok a lot of times but none the less, it stinks. I realized that all of the things that I want to change in the house have to start in me. I am the one who runs the house on a daily basis, so if I don't change, they won't change. Reading my bible is the first step. I enjoy reading and learning so I don't know why it has to be such a struggle for me to sit down and read. Pray for me there.

vs.26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Wow, did that one ever hit home. My tongue is not full of kindness like it should be. Pray for me there. I really want to strive to be a virtuous woman. You may laugh and think that it sounds silly but it is something that I really want and need to be. So I just ask you to pray for me.

Lord help me to be a virtuous woman.

Ryane's Great Gift

The following are pictures that Ryane took on christmas eve and on their recent snowday with her new camera. Is this my photographer in the making???


I am not sure what happened to this picture but this is one that Ryane took of herself on Christmas day.






Here is Gracie with the snowman they made the other day. She had a great time running around in the yard and throwing snowballs at her daddy.






Here is the snowman that Marcus and the kids made the other day. By the time they got all finished with it, all the snow had melted.




I was so very sick this Christmas, as most of you know who read my blog. This is me, on Christmas Eve when we opened our gifts. Here, on the couch, I stayed the whole day. Poor me.

Here is our Micah, who is now crawling all over the house and getting into absolutely everything that he possibly can find.

Here is Devin onChristmas Eve. He had more fun just opening gifts than finding out what they were.

Here is Marcus and Micah on Christmas Day. Micah loves his daddy very very much.

Who would have thunk it?????

Guess what? I have lost a few pounds! Yeah! Just a few, but a few none the less. You know how your mom is required to say nice things? Well, my mom has always been great about it, so when she says "you look like you are slimming down.", I just assume that it is one of those nice things. But when a person who you don't see very often says "Wow! How much weight have you lost?", it makes you feel a little better. Good enough to go stand on a scale. Yeah! I have lost a few pounds.

Where do I start???????

Oh wow! What a day it has been! I have been very very sick the past few days (as has Micah) so my day started off with a bang! A banging headache that is. After choppy sleep for 3 or 4 nights, a headache is all I wanted. Marcus had to work today so I thought I would have to fight with the kids all day alone because it was cold out yesterday so no one played outside. BUT...at 4 am while I was tending to a sleep deprived Micah, I looked out and saw it...SNOW. I knew the kids would be thrilled! Which meant I was thrilled because they would play outside (I know it sounds bad, but come on, I'm sick) So...at 9am Marcus called and said "don't let the kids outside until I come home" Darn. Day shot...so I thought. I laid in bed until Micah woke up at 9:30. I rolled over to see his big brown eyes gazing into mine. Let me stray from the present conversation for a moment...

I NEVER knew how much I could love a baby boy! I knew I would love him, don't get me wrong. I just never had a clue as to how much. In all honesty, I had my doubts that I could love him as much as I loved the girls. How dumb was I? He holds my heart in his little mulatto hands. I hated the fact the Ryan (brother) could get out of any trouble with momma by making her smile or laugh (girls, you know what I am talking about). Oh! it drove me absolutely nuts. I forsee this problem in my future. Anyway, I love him so very much. I cherish every gleam I see in his eyes. I understand the baby's breath ma!

Ok, back to the conversation. We, Micah and I, laid in bed for a few minutes then I nursed him and we moved from the bed to the couch. That is pretty much where I stayed until Marcus came home at one. Well, while I was laying on the couch, Micah was sitting on the floor beside me chewing on a rubber ring he has. I looked down and there was blood all over his hands and mouth. Oh crap! So I get to looking in his mouth, and he has been cutting his two front teeth for several days now. Well, yesterday I checked them and he had a little blister pocket on one, today after the blood, the blister pocket was gone and there sat his little white tooth, staring at me.

So, Marcus called close to one and said "tell the kids to get their hat and gloves on" So, within 10 minutes, the kids are dressing for snow and Marcus is walking in the door. He gets them all bundled up and they head out the front door. Within seconds, I hear screams of laughter eminating from the front yard. Curiousity got to me so I went to the love seat and opened the blinds to see what was the cause of this riot outside. Micah went with me of course. We sat down and peeked outside only to see a daddy and 3 kids outside rolling snowballs and throwing them at each other. They laughed and played like I haven't heard in such a long time. I sat there with Micah watching my family enjoy each other! How great is that. Of course they came to the window and playing with Micah, throwing snow at the window. He just smiled, it was so cute. This snow play goes on for a while and then they set to work! They were building a snowman! Marcus did most of the work, mind you, but they all had a role in it. After a while I got word the hot chocolate was needed. I fixed it, they drank it. After a temporary break, the work crew headed back out the door, to finish that snowman. After more laughing, screaming, snowball throwing and freezing, a snowman was born.

There he sits in our front yard...a bowling snowman...complete with hat, coat, gloves, shoes, and of course a snow bowling ball.

Now, as I type this, the rest of the snow has melted from out yard, but not the bowling snowman! He has attracted rubber neckers and walkers alike. Ryane took pictures with the camera that she got for Christmas! After all that hard work, everyone was freezing. They all slowly dredged in the front door, leaving a pile of wet stuff. It was worth it though to see them play. I like that kind of laundry. Everyone settles down and dries off, and sits down to another cup of hot chocolate. After drinking his cup, Marcus decided he wanted to go bowl for an hour. I didn't complain, even though the devil was on my shoulder pushing me to.

So, off Marcus goes to bowl. After about 15 minutes, I had Micah in the middle of the floor with his toys and I was sitting on the couch talking to the girls, when I look up and Micah is on his hands and feet with his butt up in the air, Gracie laughed and said "that's how he was the other day" I sat watching him for just another moment and he put one knee down, and pushed forward. Then again, and again until he had crawled his way over to the tv stand. Right there with me watching. Micah crawled! Of course his daddy was the first one I called, then his grandma, then his grandmama, then his papaw. It wasn't too long and Marcus came home and he crawled over to him too. Yeah, my baby is crawling. What a milestone! I am so happy that I was here to see it happen.

After a little play time, everyone got baths and we sat down to play bingo, I won of course. Then we ate dinner (a hodge podge of food, if you will...I am still sick, don't feel like cooking) So, here I am at 8:45 pm blogging, looking over my shoulder at the dishes that I know I am not going to do tonight, and I actually can taste a little bit more tonight.

Even sick, this has been such a wonderfully terrific day! Thank you God for this day! Thank you God for this family!