For God...for Jesus...and for Joanne...

Sunday service has come to an end, the invitation has come to an end and Preacher is standing up at the front introducing the people who have come forward. "We have Michael who has come to be baptized and Michelle who has also come to be baptized. We are going to postpone the baptism until tonight because we have other people who are going to be baptized. What? Someone is already back there? Ok, well I guess we will have a baptism. Sing a song brother.", as he waves for daddy to lead the congregation in a song.

From the front you see "Michelle" walk across the front of the church all the way around to the back of the church. She stops at the back door and speaks to Billy, the head usher, and then walks out. I turned to Billy and whisper "Does she need help?" Billy then motions me on to the back and whispers "she went to get her stuff from her truck" So, out I jog, on my tippy toes, in my heels, over the rocks to her truck. Have you got everything? Good, ok, we need to kinda hurry. (Preacher is a stickler about time) Michelle, who is just a little odd anyway, turns to me in her country voice and says "I am so happy" I smile and say "That's nice" Michelle then says "I love Jesus" I smile and nod. Michelle says "I am so excited. I just love Jesus so much. I am doing this for Jesus and for God. I smile politely and say "Yes, that's nice, we need to hurry now" So LaRhonda meets us at the corner and says "Are you getting baptized in what you have on?" Michelle says "No, I have some clothes, if that is ok." Yes, that is ok, we just need to be quick. So she ushers her into the restroom to change.

I step up into the back of the baptismal room and whisper to preacher after he finishes baptizing the second guy that there is one more to be baptized. So we wait about 10 seconds and up the stairs comes Michelle in all her glory. Grinning from ear to ear, wearing her Mickey Mouse flannel boxer shorts and gray mens tank top that comes so low on the sides that you can plainly see she is not wearing a bra. Up the stairs she comes and peeps around the corner and sees the water. "Is that where I need to go?" Yes, down into the water. Again, "Is that where I need to go?" Yes, into the water. Go ahead now. A third time, "Is that where I need to go?" YES! GO INTO THE WATER.

Down she goes into the water. Preacher asks her name and tells the audience "This is Michelle and she has assured me that she is saved and wants to be baptized" She then turns to Preacher and says right into his tie microphone "I have a special request"

Preacher: what it is?
Michelle: I want to do this for God and for Jesus and for Joanne.
Preacher(disturbed): You can't do that. Sit down.

Preacher then begins to talk about baptism and salvation and she is sitting there looking at him nodding her head and saying aloud, "Yes, that's what I want." So preacher begins to dunk her but she is holding onto the side rail, which in turn makes preacher almost fall in on top of her. So he pulls her up. She climbs the stairs and get a towel from LaRhonda and preacher(whose microphone is still on) steps out the side, looks at Michelle and barks: "Lady! How do you expect me to baptize you when you are holding onto the rail?!"

Michelle: I'm sorry. I am. I am sorry.

So off trots preacher in a huff and Michells turns to LaRhonda and says "I wanted him to dunk me three times. Once for God, once for Jesus and once for Joanne!"

Church was over and I have never seen it clear out so fast in my life. Talk about Dinner conversations! Oh to be a fly on the wall of our members yesterday!