Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

O taste and see that the Lord is good. How He immensly blessed our household this christmas. Thank you Jesus for your blessings and all the people who have in one way or another touched our lives this christmas.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

So each of the kids got a Hershey Kiss candy cane in their stocking. He picked his up and I'm not sure that he ever put it back down. I could have saved a lot of money by just giving him Hershey Kisses. That was definitely his favorite present.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Wait, what? The Hershey kisses are still being eaten.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Ryane's initial response to getting her new phone was to scream and cover her face.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

The thought of running out of Hershey Kisses made him look like this. Note the chocolate around his mouth. He ate nothing but Kisses for about 2 hours.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Gracie with her new guitar. She was extremely disheartened when she picked is up and couldn't just PLAY.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Click on the picture so you can get a close up of what Micah's trucks are hauling around...yep that's right Hershey Kisses. And who is standing there beside him? Waiting? Yep that's right...Tucker.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Micah with his new guns, scary

sight huh? Is this foreshadowing?

He actually just asked for the gunbelt

but it all came in a set.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

No thank you honey, mommy doesn't want anymore Hershey kisses.

Oh Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Ahh, the aftermath. I didn't see my living room for about 12 more hours.

2009 New Beginnings...New Me

Before and After

This now is a time of reflection for me. Losing all of that hair

in my own weird way is losing a lot of baggage from the past

several years of my life. I look forward to what God has in

store for me and my life in 2009.

Worst Conversation I can think of...

The following conversation took place over the phone between a father and mother who are separated. The kids live with mom.

Father: Hey, I was looking at this list of toys you gave me that son would like for christmas.

Mother: Yeah and?

Father: What is a Brobee? I don't have a clue what this is.

Mother: Oh. It's a green guy from the show Yo Gabba Gabba. Son likes it.

Father: Oh well I didn't know. That kind of stuff is never on my tv so I don't know anything about it.

Now, is it just me or shouldn't a good father know what his 2 year old son is watching on tv?

Thank you's

Thank you Jesus:

1. For giving your life for mine.
2. For a wonderful peaceful christmas day.
3. For my children
4. For an ubundant christmas for my children.
5. For your NEVER failing, undying love for me.
6. For the emotional roller coaster I've been on since Christmas day that brings me back to you.
7. For ALWAYS being honest with me no matter how much I don't want to hear it.
8. For REAL friends.
9. For giving me the opportunity to minister to others through my own pain.

Thank you Jesus for being you.

Guess Who's Back???

Praise the Lord and Thank you Jesus!!! I am back online. My computer is home from the computer doctor thanks to a very wonderful friend on mine.

Shout out to Bebas! Time is non existant in our friendship. Been friends for over 10 years now and feels like just yesterday we were working in the worlds worst daycare (haha) planning a trip to Kings Island with our crew, which was much smaller at the time. Can't wait to see you again. Thanks again lady!

Another friend of mine???...much thanks to Jesus for HIS perfect love and care. I am learning through much heart ache and time that Jesus is the only perfect man. Jesus will never cheat, never lie, never hurt. Jesus will always love, always care, always provide. Jesus loves me even though I make mistakes, He is my father. Jesus wraps His arms around me when I am crying, He is my comforter. Jesus is the only man I need. I love you Lord!

Oh and just in case any of you questioned God's mathmatics...it doesn't make any sense to us but it works. He turned $25 into $250 in less than 24 hours. I don't know how He does it, I don't care how He does it. The fact is HE DOES IT, and He does it for me. Thank you Jesus for your amazing blessings that I am experiencing left and right.

I'm not dead!!!

WAAA! I MISS BLOGGING!!! I'm not dead and SHAME on all of you nasty perverts who put porn viruses on the internet to attack peoples computers!!! I and my computer will survive this...I swear to you!!! We will be back...just as soon as we get the money to pay the wonderful man who took the porn virus OFF my computer. Who, by the way, has left a burning question in my mind...doesn't he actually have to SEE all of the porn in order to get it ALL cleared off? Hmmm, just wondering. BUT I WILL BE BACK!!!

Convo of the day...

This convo took place in the living room between Micah and myself. The wind blew and then this convo took place.

Micah (3): Mom! My pee pee is getting big!

Mom: What? Your pee-pee is getting big?

Micah: Yeah! It's getting big! (proceeds to pull down his pants and underwear and
show me his 3 year old hard on) See?

Mom: Oh! It is getting big. Pull up your pants.

Micah: Well, I don't want it to get big.

Mom: Then leave it alone.

Question to ponder...

Why does the poop smell not come off your hands? Seriously. We have all gotten poop on our hands at one point or another. Us mothers have way more of a reason than those of you who aren't but still...why does it not wash off? You can wash with soap and hot water twenty two dozen times and it still doesn't wash off! WHY? (regardless of the answer, I have my own way of getting it off.) But still, WHY? Why does the poop smell not go away? Feel free to give me your medical answer Kelly.

These are the days that I just LOVE my boy!

Count your MANY blessings! Name them one by one!

...help and comfort give you to your journeys end!

Praise Jesus that I can count my blessings: Blessings for October 12, 2008

My relationship with GOD.
My beautiful children, all of them.
Fabulous services at church.
Finished that house.
Monitary gift from an unexpected source. (not with thy sword nor with thy bow. Joshua 24:12)
Love.
GREAT Sunday School teacher who loves the Lord.
Laughter. (always makes a day brighter)
Dinner with old friends, who lifted me up.
Quiet time with God...heading there now.

Funny. As I am looking at my list, I am realizing that only 1 of my blessings today were actually tangible. Hmmm. Food for thought.

Proverbs 8:19 My fruit is better than gold, yea than fine gold; and my revenue than choice silver.

This one's for Uncle Brett

WAZ UP HOME FRY?

One of those days...

My day has been so bad that I ate a container of cool whip for dinner!

Momma's sweet little devils.

This is the only moment of rest I ever get.

Ok, so trust will always be an issue.

So I am just bein nosey and flipping through random blogs, some interesting others not so much. I pause and read through one here or there but I have come across a lot of blogs that are family related. You know, lots of pictures of the family. Mom and dad. Husband and wife. Parents and kids.

To be quite honest with you, one of the first things I think when I see a picture of a husband and wife is "Is he faithfull?" I know that sounds really bad but it is the truth. I literally stare at the picture and wonder how she can trust him. COMPLETE STRANGERS!!! There is something wrong with me.

Going through all that I have gone through over the past um, well, all of my life with men has really left a lasting impression with me. Sad to say, I see it doing the same with my girls, but that is a blog for another day.

I don't want to feel this way about men. Honestly I don't. I just don't know that I could ever trust a man. I mean REALLY trust him. I am constantly putting myself in another womans shoes, which is not a bad idea ladies! For instance, I am cleaning a house right now and I have a friend that stops in from time to time. Some days he stays a while, others he doesn't. Well, I had to stop and think "how would I feel if my husband were doing this?" I spoke to his wife about the situation and she assured me that she trusted both of us and was ok with it. I was glad to hear that.

Another for instance, there is this guy at walmart , who is overly nice to me if you catch the drift. He always smiles and asks me if I need some help, I know its his job but there is doing his job nice and I think your hot nice. This is the I think your hot nice. Well, one day I see him in walmart fairly close to a lady, walking and talking. It just seemed like they were a couple. SO, what do I do? Put myself in her shoes. What if he is with her and being overly nice to me? Can't go down that path! So now I try to dodge him when I see him. I don't know him from Adam and he may be just as single and the next person but I cant shake the what ifs.

I was literally told by another man that if I didn't "play the game" (of taking another womans man) that I would end up alone. I just can't do that. I guess if that means I will be alone, then I will be alone. God will be my husband.

All in all, I don't trust men. At all. Now who's fault is it? I honestly can't blame any one person. But what I can say is that the men in my life have certainly not helped me trust anymore. They have pushed me to not trust even harder by their actions.

What happened to the REAL men? Are there any out there? I really have my doubts...sorry to any of you REAL men who may be out there and reading this. I just don't trust men and don't know if I ever can.

Jekyll and Baby Girl

CAN YOU TELL WHERE ONE ENDS AND THE OTHER BEGINS?

How could you not want this kiss???

Convo of the day...

This conversation took place after we got home from church today. It is between myself and Micah (whose friend has a broken arm)

M: Mom. I broke my eye.

L: You broke your eye?

M: Yes, I broke my eye.

L: You did? Well How did you do that?

M: Well, while I was takin a nap yesterday. I just broke my eye.

L: You broke your eye while you were taking a nap yesterday?

M: Um, yes.

L: Well, does it hurt?

M: Um, no.

L: Well are you ok?

M: Um, YES!

A Letter to My Husband...

My dearest husband,



For the past 6 years of my life, I have loved you dearly. I have put my heart and soul into our marriage and relationship. I never claimed to be the perfect wife, as a matter of fact I am well aware that I am not. I know how hard I am to get along with and I know how hard it is to live with me. I may not have been perfect but I put forth one hell of an effort.



You have chosen to leave this house. You have chosen to leave your wife. You have chosen to leave your children. You have chosen to leave this family. That was a choice that YOU made. One day, I don't know when, but one day you will see what a mistake that was. I could preach till I was blue in the face but what good would it do?



You have lied to me for the past 6 years. Every aspect of our life together is in fact a lie. Every story you ever told was a lie. Every thing that made me laugh was a lie. Every heartbreaking story you ever told to gain my sympathy was a lie. You are a liar.



You have taken everything away from me that you could. (Or that I would let you) You stole my happiness. You stole my security. You stole my trust in men (what little there was). You stole my childrens happiness. You kept money from us. You tried to take my faith. You took my friends away from me. You tried to take my family away from me. You are a thief.



I am so sad to say that I don't know the real you. I wanted so badly to know the real you that I overlooked many things that should NEVER be overlooked. Part of me wants to be sad at the thought that another woman will know the real you. But then I remember you can't be real with anyone. ANYONE. And that includes yourself. You have put on a show from day one. Your show is worse now than what it ever has been. You are a fake.



You left more than just a wife. You left 4 children. 2 by blood but 2 by heart. These girls loved you. You made it a point for them to love you, but you didn't love them back. These boys will never remember you living here. And I am so glad of that. I am so happy at the thought that they will never remember the screaming, the fights, the cussing, the lying. That part makes me feel good. But these girls will remember. Everything. You may think that it doesn't matter because you are not their blood father, but you are wrong. You are just as responsible for them as their blood father. No, you are more responsible than him. You made a commitment to me, to the girls and to God that you would be the father to them that HE never was. YOU made that commitment and then YOU broke it. You chose to leave 4 children. You abandoned them.



You are a fake, abandoning, thieving liar. You are not good enough for me. Never have been, never will be.



Love your ever supporting wife.

Micah's rough night

Let me begin by saying that Micah did not have a nap today (or yesterday for that matter). He is extremely cranky!!!

So we go to the game to watch Grace's dance team performance. As we sit in the hot sun, I shoo a bee away several times. I'm thinking that little bee is gonna sting that little Tucker. So finally the bee disapears.

Two minutes later Micah is holding his head and screaming. "Dat Skita bite me!!!" I'm thinking "Great! That stupid bee stung him." Sure enough. That little bee stung him right on the forehead. After much screaming we got him settled down.

Toward the end of the game, I had had enough of Micah's crankiness so I said "It's time to go". So he tears off across the parking lot. I'm thinking "He's gonna..." And then he falls. Slid right onto his face on parking lot. Poor baby!!!

Men are gross!!!

That is such a broad statement that I think I need to narrow the margin a little. Men have the grossest hygiene habits. I was offered some money to help someone I know prepare a house for auction. Actually I was asked to do the bathroom portion of the house. I'm thinking "um, no, not really." But he was persistant and asked me a second time this time offering me the amount of money that I would make off of it. I accepted...without ever looking at the bathroom (Dumb move!)

As it turns out, the house is RIGHT next door to me. Now I have watched the two OLD men come and go in that house for over 3 years. Then after they moved I watched the grandson come and go for about 6 months.

Let me begin by saying they were not people that I would want to go have dinner with anyway. The one time that I found it necessary to knock on their door the odor of OLD MEN just about melted the mascara right off my eyelashes. And that was standing on the porch. I never even stepped in the door.

Now after they left and the grandson moved in I knocked on the door another time and when he answered the door, the most ferociously foul defication smell made me wanna run away before I could tell him what I needed. The smell followed me home. I sat on the couch thinking "Man, that house smells so bad that the scent is all over me and I was just standing on the porch." Well, come to find out, Tucker was poopie. So how bad the house actually smelled with the younger guy, I'm not really sure. ANYWAY...back to the actual topic.

I went over today to start cleaning and wanted to cry as soon as I saw what I had gotten myself into. You know how bathtubs look like someone poured rusty water into them? Well that is what this tub looked like, only the soapscum was so thick I believe there may have been bugs imbeded in it. The toilet! OMG! These males must have laid on the floor and aimed their butts up at the underside of the toilet and then stood on the side and urinated on the floor surrounding the toilet. The floor? Covered in dead bugs, hair, filth, dirt, grime, cigarette butts, you name it. Under the sink (which was just as nasty) sat a large bucket half filled with dirty leaky sink water that had been used as an ashtray among other things. I stood there gazing at the filth and turned around and saw what is supposed to pass as a mirror. I looked at myself and thought. What are you doing!?! What are you doing??? What is that on your neck??? Dirt? No. Dirt doesn't move. A FLEA!!! I had a flea on my neck!!!!!! Bloodsucking little nasty thing!!! It's a good thing that it was just a flea. I would probably have made a new bathroom door if it had been anything else.

I did kill a wasp in there though. I hit it with the handle of a screwdriver and when I did, a bunch of wood fell off the window (which was filled with a mish-mosh of dead bugs as well). I just pulled up my big girl panties and dove in head first. Well, gloved hands first anyway.

I believe that I used about ten pair of rubber gloves cleaning that nasty place before I could even think of painting it. Oh! And the walls and ceiling that were to be painted? COVERED in mold and nicotene. Didn't even bother trying to wipe the walls down. Just painted two layers of KILZ on it. I'm very sad to say that I am not done yet. After at least 5 hours in that tiny bathroom, I am NOT done. Have to go back tomorrow and finish it.

Oh the sacrifices we mothers (and a few good fathers, none come to mind) make for our babies.

BUT...there's always a but. As much as I complain, I am SO grateful to the Lord for giving me the opportunity to make a little money for my family today.

Happy Birthday to Devin

Tuesday is Devin's birthday. He will be 7. It's hard to believe that he was only 10 months old when I first met him. I miss him.

His mom was nice enough to let him come over today for about an hour and a half. I have missed him more than I knew. When I hugged him (I cried) he hugged me back tight...and didn't let go. I know that he misses us too.

All of the kids were so excited to see him. I think Micah was the most. He has been talking about him a lot lately.

Everything going on in this house is NOT the kids fault and it's wrong for them to have to suffer. That part makes me VERY VERY sad. The rest of it...not so much! Anyway I digress.

During this 1 1/2 hour visit, the kids managed to exchange hellos, wrestle, play in their room, eat popcorn, watch tv, play outside and eat a fudgesicle. Just as it was time for Devin's mom to come and pick him up I remembered to get the camera. So I got a few shots of the kids together.

Who knows how long it will be before Devin can be back at my house again so I enjoyed every second of his being here. I am grateful to God and Jennie for allowing us the time to have with Devin today.

OH WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE...

WHEN FIRST WE PRACTICE TO DECEIVE!!! This goes out to all you that LIE. Warning!!! You will get caught. No I didn't say might or maybe. I said will. Maybe not by the person you are lying to either. But be warned that you WILL get caught.

People are watching you. Even when you think that they are not. Eyes are watching you, everywhere you go. When you think you are hiding; someone, somewhere sees you.

Oh and it WILL get back to the person that you are lying to. Just in case you thought that it wouldn't.

Oh and it may actually work for you...for a while. For EVERYTHING there is a season. You are sowing your lies now but you will reap the consequences. Much sooner than you think.

Those little lies will become bigger ones. Then you have to lie to cover those up. Then you have to remember the original lie to make sure the stories mesh. Oh my! So much to remember. How do you do it?

I know someone who is a REAL good liar! I would go so far as to say EXCELLENT. The best I have ever seen. Been lying to me for many years now. And guess what??? He is tripping up. Forgetting somethings here and there. You know what else??? He's getting caught.

You might ask does it make me mad? Uh yeah. Down right pisses me off. But it's all good now. It blows air on that little spark. You know that tiny gust of air that it takes to get a HUGE flame? Blow away baby! Blow away! Because that HUGE flame is the one that is gonna burn you up in the end.

Even that being said, I am at a good place with myself and with God. I have been praying for truth and truth is what I am getting. No matter how hard you try, you can't get away with a LIE when God is showing you the TRUTH. You can't beat God's truth.

I PRAISE YOUR NAME LORD FOR THE TRUTHS THAT YOU SHOW ME!!!

So, if you are thinking about lying...stop and think. Is it worth the price I WILL pay? If you are already lying...stop and think. Is it worth losing everything?

Psalm 19:5 A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall not escape.

Psalm 19:9 A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall perish.

Just some food for thought.

More than sisters...

Sometimes I catch myself doing things that my sisters do. It's a weird feeling but I like it. Today I was eating chips and Micah was talking to me and I put a chip in my mouth and smiled. As soon as I smiled I knew that particular smile was something Kimberly does. Had to giggle to myself because Brett has said that every now and then I will do something or look a certain way that reminds him of Kimberly. I reminded myself of her today.

I am so glad that I have two sisters. Funny thing they are very much alike and yet completely different at the same time. I envy some of their personality traits...sometimes. Don't get me wrong. I am very happy with who I am just sometimes wish I were a little more like them.

Kimberly is gorgeous, Godly, mature, loving, and extremely giving.

Kelly is beautiful, hilarious, kind, outgoing, friendly and very strong.

They are both two of my very best friends. Even though we don't get to be together as much as I would like we still are very close and I love them both in very different but specific ways.

A woman couldn't ask for two better aunts for her kids. A sister couldn't have asked for two better sisters.

I love you Kelly and Kimberly!

A New Edition (actually two)

Please meet Jekyll.

She has a sister who is not pictured here but will be soon. Her name is Baby Girl (right now anyway). Jekyll is everyone's kitty and Baby Girl is Ryane's kitty. She was her birthday present. They just came to live with us today. They are 6 weeks old and adorable. Hey I don't care if you don't like cats! I love them and they are making us happy right now. So we will be poor but will have cats so there!

And if for some strange reason you don't get why her name is Jekyll then just ask and I will slowly explain it to you.

Gracie's Dance Team Performance

So at Tuesday nights elem. football game, Grace had her first performance for the dance team. Since Tuesday night, all I have heard from her is "Have you put my pictures on your blog yet? Yes Grace (not Gracie) Your pics are now posted on my blog!!!

One of the funniest things in the world to watch is a group of elementary girls trying to line dance. They looked so cute out there. They tried with all their little hearts but for some reason they could not all get in sync with each other. They definitely entertained the crowd. Grace had lots of fun. Afterward she said "This is my first practice with the flag. Everyone else got to practice dancing with the flag but me."

Grace loves her Tucker and he loves her too (most of the time) He saw her standing in line waiting to dance and he ran over to her. So she picked him up and put her hat on him. He was eating it up.

What happens when you turn your back on Micah???

THIS is the kind of stuff that happens when you turn your back on Micah...even if just for a moment!

WHITE OUT EVERYWHERE!

Do You Ever Just Wonder Why?

Ok. So we all know that God runs the world from heaven and that he cares about even a single sparrow that hits the ground. So I have spent most of my day wondering what possible lesson that God had for my life when a hummingbird flew into my head today. Seriously! WHAT life lesson was that? It didn't kill me and it certainly didn't make me stronger. I literally on the spot started wondering why? Why did that little bitty buzzing hummingbird fly straight into my head? Lessons? Ideas? Anyone?? Anyone?

The Man That Never Existed

Six years ago THIS man walked into my life. Sweet, kind, caring, and loved my kids. Gentle and loving, he accepted me exactly who I was. Opened doors for me, wrote love poems, left sweet cards, brought me flowers. What more could a woman ask for?

He got down on one knee with Devin, Ryane and Grace all standing around watching and asked me to marry him. I did. We moved into a modest three bedroom house and began our life together, ready for happily ever after.

Since I have known him, everyone has tripped over themselves to do for him and to be his friend and they tell me what a good person he is. He makes it hard not to like him. He is funny, charismatic, outgoing. Such a likeable person. I truly loved THIS man.

One day I woke up to find THAT man was gone. The one that had replaced him was vile, mean and ugly inside. Gone were the cards, flowers and poems. Only to be replaced by put downs, curse words and idle threats of departure.

Where once we lay in bed wrapped in each other's arms, I lay in bed wrapped in blankets wondering what time he would be home that night.

Where once we sat at the dinner table as a family and talked about our day, I found myself sitting at the dinner table staring at his empty chair, answering the inevitable question "Where is daddy?"

Where once we sat on the couch till 3 am just talking about our lives, I found myself sitting on the couch at 3 am wondering where he was.

Where once we played as a family, I found myself making up excuses why daddy couldn't play with us that day.

This is the man that I woke up to that dreadful day. I awoke to the fact that the other man NEVER really existed. You hear a million times in your life that you never really know a person until you live with them. That phrase has never meant more to me than it does right now.

When I weep, I weep for what could have been. I weep for my children, I weep for love. I weep for the man that I fell in love with. I do not weep for this man.

What a sad day when you realize that the person you love with all of your heart is not a person at all. He is just a facade to cover up the real person lurking deep within.

Convo of the day...

Micah, after waking up and going to the bathroom to pee: "Mommy! My pee-pee is BIG!!!"

Check out my beauty queen...

Where does the time go??? How did she turn 12?

Truth and Consequences

Oh my! Oh my! How the truth has a way of making itself known. I know the truth about what has been going on. No more details needed. I just know the truth. Thank you God for revealing the truth through such an unlikely source.

Another TRIP at the Dentist

So a couple of months ago Micah, my three year old, had his teeth cleaned and Dr. Heather found a cavity. Eeek! I'm a bad mom. So we set up an appt. to have it filled. Now Dr. Heather is a pediatric dentist (why I will never know) so she knows what she is doing. She informs me that we will give him a sedative via a gummy bear and it will make him loopy-loo. Sounds great to me. So we give him the gummy and wait. Waiting, waiting waiting. So after 30 minutes the nurse calls him back and we are ready to go.

Uh-oh. Micah is not happy about all of these people being in his face. He proceeds to kick, scream, pinch and bite! Wow, too late now we've already started. So how many women does it take to hold down a 3 year old? The answer is FOUR! After all is said and done, Micah has a tooth filled, mom is exhausted, one nurse has a pinched boob and Dr. Heather has a bitten finger (something tells me it's not the first) but all is well. So we go home and an hour later, THE SEDATIVE KICKS IN!!! So I sat and laughed at how loopy-loo he was at home instead of at the dentist office.

Fast forward to now. Micah has another 2 cavities...Yes I know, I am a bad mom! So this time we get smart about things and Dr. Heather advises me that we will be using a LIQUID sedative so we know that it will work. So here we go. We get to the office and force poor Micah to drink this nasty purple stuff. He is such a good boy though he just drinks it down, completely against his will. Give him 30 minutes and we are LOOPY-LOO!!! Woo-hoo! This time it worked. We get back into the chair and Dr. Heather says "The med. will peak at 45 minutes so I am kinda waiting till then, we don't want a rerun of what happened last time." I'm thinking, smart woman.

So at 45 minutes we begin. First of all if you have never put a "clown mask" on a three year old, don't try it. They don't like it, no matter how good the "fresh air" smells. Strawberry or not! So then we begin the process of opening his mouth. Hmmm, not looking too great. Dr. Heather calls mom over to help hold Micah's hands. Now so far we have made him drink yucky purple stuff, put something on his nose, pinched his cheek with a yucky shot, clipped a metal biting thing on his tooth, laid a rubber sheet over his mouth (which he is a mouth breather by the way) and now mom is holding his hands still. Wow what a spot to be in when you are three. By the time both teeth were filled, Mom (me) was laying on top of him, holding his hands and legs still, Dr. Heather is holding his lip up and filling a tooth, Nurse #1 is holding Micah's shoulders down and Nurse #2 is holding his head still. All the while Micah is screaming BLOODY murder and crying...we had to shut the door to his room so as not to frighten the 6 year old in the room next to us.

Whew! We are finally done and this is the outcome...now keep in mind that the cavity was on the top. So his top lip is numb and sucked into his very unhappy mouth and yes those are very drunk eyes. He just has not had a good time this morning.

This is his very swollen and still unhappy lip which he bit during his visit. Actually he bit both sides, top and bottom but this is the worst one. My poor baby! If this doesn't make me wanna brush his teeth morning, noon, and night, I don't know what will! Mom of the year award coming my way!!!

My new friend...

This is my new friend...her name is Liz!

What have i been doing?...I'm out of practice!!!

I had free time to kill the other day so I sat down to draw. After drawing for three days, I decided that it has been too long since I have really drawn. I love drawing but I just don't have a lot of time to draw. Well, the past few days I have made the time and now I am mad at myself for letting this much time go since I have really drawn. It's true, if you don't use it...you lose it. So now I have to get back in touch with the artist inside of me so I can get back to where I was 4 years ago!

The Bain of My Existence

You know it's said that the deepest anger is rooted in hurt. I can't even tell what emotion is stronger right now, ANGER or HURT. The kids had another visit with Marcus today. Enough said? No? Well now not only do I have to deal with Graces crazy 10 year old emotions when they come home from their biological father's house but now I get to deal with it when they come back from a visit with Marcus!!! Ryane just is a island to herself. She deals in her own quiet way. Grace lashes out in a high pitched sing-songy yell, at me. Over what does'nt matter, just whatever pushes her button at the right moment. So, here we go now, all the times that Marcus "took care of her" when she came back from Rick and now Marcus is the one that's making her react like that! Not only that but now I have to deal with my own emotions after a visit with him!!@!!!@!!@ He was always there to talk me away from the ledge of Rickey! Who is there to talk me away from the ledge of Marcus? I AM SO ANGRY AND HURT TODAY!!!!! (People pay shrinks good money to be able to say stuff like that...I'm too poor so I have to shrink myself)

How 3 is Micah?

You always here about the Terrible Two's, but nobody warns you about the third year. Micah, who can sweep anyone off their feet with one look, is three. As we walk through the store, I hear all of the time "Oh! How adorable." or "He is so cute" or any other positive comment that you can think of over an adorable little boy.

Someone the other day made a comment that stuck with me though. She said "Oh you are so cute I would just find it terribly hard to punish you, but I bet your momma doesn't have a problem with it." I had to smile at that because it is so true. I have to admit that Micah can make me smile at almost any given time just by being himself but he is such a little booger that I can let him have it at almost any given time as well.

He has just hit this point to where I think he is just plain bored being at home. Not enough stimulation so he invents trouble for himself.

*He has discovered that by standing on the toilet, he can easily climb into the bathroom sink which is only secured to the wall, nothing underneath.

*He has found out what happens when you pour a gallon of Chocolate milk into a gallon of tea.

*He has figured out that neosporin can also act as glue for breathe right nose strips to stick to jewelry boxes and other miscellaneous spots in the house.

*He discovered that by blaming his 18 month old brother, he won't get into as much trouble.

*He thinks by saying "Sorry" as soon as you say his name that he won't get fussed at.

*He figured out that his sisters like to leave kitchen knives out on the cabinet so he cuts his own apples.

*He's decided that he's not going to go to sleep for naptime or bedtime.

*He's decided that he can sit in my bed and pee for no apparent reason.

*He really likes to pee into the bathtub when the toilet is right behind him.

And this is all within the past week or so. Shall I go on? Well, probably not necessary. Truth of the matter is I love the little monster and he can make me smile just by being himself. And his soft little kisses mean just about everything to me. God love ya Micah, God love ya!

Empathy or Just Plain Nosey, it's a trip.

You know my life is not that bad. Sure my husband has left but still, my life is not that bad. I have my health and I have 4 beautiful children, who are also healthy(minus an ear infection). The Lord is blessing me in my life literally left and right. I got to spend a full month at my sister's house this summer. Met many wonderful people while there. Have a TON of people praying for me. Have friends who truly care about me. Have people giving us clothes, which were really needed. The Lord is truly wonderful is all of his rich blessings and his grace.

Now, I can say that because it is true. Some people however don't want that to be true. How very unfortunate for them. If you are truly interested in how I am coping, then read below. HOWEVER, if you are only interested for the sake of gossip then you may stop reading now because you are nothing but selfish people who have nothing better to do than get the DISH so you can pass it on to someone else. I don't need you in my life.

So for those that really want to know, I am managing just fine. For those that know me well you will remember that I have been down this road once before. Managed just fine then and with God's grace and mercy I will manage just fine again. Now don't hear me say that I am not sad or upset. I am both at any given time, but I am also angry, relieved, happy, emotional, teary-eyed, lonely and hurt. Did you notice that the word happy was in there? Much to some peoples dismay, I am not, I repeat NOT miserable. I am just like any other person who is going through an unwanted change in their life...on a roller coaster of emotions. So for those of you who hear me crying and think that is all I do, you are wrong. For those of you who see me angry and think that is it, you are wrong. For those of you who think that I am only allowed to feel one emotion right now, you are wrong. Those of you who have been through this before or are going through it now, you know exactly what I am talking about so I know that you can empathize. Those of you who have never been through this just sit back and enjoy my roller coaster.

On my own...again!

So, to start with I initially titled this blog "Alone...again!" But then I realized that I am never alone. My God is ALWAYS with me. So I changed it to On my own...again. Which, I am. After four years of marriage, Marcus has left us. Yes, us; not ME but US. See with the me comes the four us'es. No real reason for leaving given honestly, just a bunch of jabber. I trust that God is moving me to where he wants me in my life and I can only trust that one day Marcus will see, know and feel the mistake that he is making. I love him very much and want nothing more than to see that necessary change in order for our family to be what God has designed a family to be. But until that time comes, I can only put my hopes and prayers in Christ. Great song by the way, In Christ Alone ( my hope is found).

So in the mean time (for however long that meantime is, if it ever comes) I am going on with my life again, on my own. This part is the ME part because I am the head of this house and the provider for my family. I am the spiritual leader and I hope that I am teaching my children to rely on God.

As a matter of fact, there is a story to go along with that comment. Ryane, my 12 year old, comes into my bedroom last night complaining of her eyes bothering her. Now mind you she has been complaining of her eyes burning and itching for the past 3 days. So again we get the allergy eyedrops out and go through the process.

Afterward she says "Mom it feels like there is something in the corner of my eye and I can't get it out."
To that I reply: "You must have scratched it doing all of that rubbing the past few days, now go back to bed."
She mumbles while rubbing that very troublesome eye: "I can't. I tried but it bothers me when I close my eye."
Knowing this is another excuse to stay out of bed I say: "Ryane, just go pray about it and go to bed."
She grumbles but slowly goes back to bed.

The next morning she is getting ready for school and says "Lets put the drops in again because my eye is scratched again"
I kinda giggled and said "Well, Ryane, your eye is not going to heal overnight anyway sweetie."
She gave me a raised eyebrow and put me in my place with: "It will if I ask God to heal it."

Well, shut my mouth. What more is there to say after that one?