For years, I have attended church with my family. The ABC's have always been the same. You go, you sing, you sit, you sing, you shake hands, you sing, take up and offering, someone else sings, message is given, invination given, we all go home. It's been referred to as "playing church" by some, I think that is a funny analogy based on the church I came from recently, because it's true. Most, including certain "leaders" of the church were doing just that, "Playing Church". God was very gracious though and put true God fearing, adoring, loving people from that church in my life to help me through a certain time in my life.
I believe that at one time, that was a Spirit lead church, but I no longer hold that belief. I'm not sure when it took a turn in the other direction but I know in my heart that church is no longer a God lead church. It's stands on biblical principles verbally but is definitely a "one-man show" I saw on someone's facebook this phrase and it fit's into that situation perfectly
..."Your actions are speaking so loudly that I can't hear what you are saying."In all the years I have been in church I have been taught "ask and you shall receive". So, when my marriage began to fall apart, I began asking (note that I didn't ask before then). I fully expected that my marriage would be fixed because I was asking and I was believing. Then people started planting doubt in my head "well, sometimes God doesn't fix the marriage" I heard it everywhere. It did it's job and created the doubt that sent me into a mound of confusion. If I asked and believed then why wouldn't God provide? How was I supposed to pray then? What was my heart supposed to expect? This confusion went on for quite a while before my divorce was actually final.
Now let me side note that I realize God is not the author of confusion...I was hurting too much at the time to see where that confusion was coming from.
My marriage was over and I decided to go another way for a while. One good thing about God is that he will let you do what you want but it's never as fun as what you want it to be. And it's never without consequences. Oh and it's never without conviction...you may think it's without but it's there in small doses. Once those small doses start to pile up it becomes huge mounds that you eventually have to deal with.
When 2010 started I decided it was time to get my family back into church. So I drug, literally some Sundays) my four kids out to 3 different churches three different Sunday mornings. One would like one and the other's would hate it. Micah cried the entire Sunday School hour at one. The Spirit was just not even at one of the churches at all. It was getting pretty miserable (I know, right? 3 weeks, miserable? yeah well you drag 2 teenagers and 2 crying boys to church by yourself and see how long it takes you to get miserable) We never went back on a Sunday night.
The girls asked me about visiting "Elkhorn". I told them no. I had visited 8 years ago and never wanted to go back. No one shook my hand, no one spoke to me. So I avoided Elkhorn, until the girls wouldn't leave me alone about it. So begrudgingly I said we could visit one Sunday. We went back Sunday night, AND Wednesday night. We are now members there. It's a different church than it was eight years ago. Elkhorn is a Spirit lead church and I have never been in a church like it before. There are no ABC's at Elkhorn. When the Lord speaks they listen. It is a church unlike any I or my children have ever attended. I love Elkhorn and I love the people there but and more importantly, I can love the leaders of Elkhorn. They are not hypocrites. They live what they teach. They truly have a heart for God and for the people, not their own way. I can worship, truly worship with my heart, my hands, my voice and my family.
Pastor Brian has a love for the Lord and a desire to be right with Him in his heart and he is not about shoving anything down your throat or scaring you into submission but about showing how God's mercy is abundant and His desire is that ALL are saved.
To the point Gertrude...
Sunday Brian spoke on waiting, I listend and I learned but not to the extent that I actually received it. Wednesday, he touched on the "waiting game" again and it started sinking in. I started actually receiving it in my heart. As I sat there Satan started planting doubts in my head and I began to get scared (as I usually do) but I stopped and just spoke to God about it and he reminded me that He works in love, Satan works through fear. It was at that moment I fully realized that He has a reason for everything that he does. I know now that HAD my marriage worked out, I would never have been able to see God the way I am seeing him now. I really did have to wait until now to understand some things about my marriage. I am still at times in doubt over things said or done but I'm learning to talk to God about it and He gives me answers.
I was reading a dear close person's blog this morning and I was crying and thinking "I want that faith and understanding of God that she has" and ever so quietly God whispered,
"your getting it".
Dear God, thank you for your mercy that you continue to pour down on me. Thank you that you are a God of love and not fear. Thank you for your patience as I screw up time and time again. Thank you God that you do see the road ahead of me and know what it best for me. Thank you for being you.
